A Smart Move

Four guys are driving cross-country together. One is from Idaho, one from Iowa, one from Illinois and one from Wisconsin.

A bit down the road, the man from Idaho starts to pull potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window. The man from Iowa turns to him and asks, "What the hell are you doing?"

The man from Idaho says, "Man, we have so many of these damned things in Idaho, they're laying around on the ground - I'm sick of looking at them!"

A few miles further down the road, the man from Iowa begins pulling ears of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Wisconsin asks "What are you doing that for?" The man from Iowa replies, "Man, we have so many of these damned things in Iowa, I'm sick of looking at them!"

Inspired by the others, the man from Wisconsin opens the car door and pushes out the man from Illinois.

The Wall

Three guys, a Dallas fan, a Packer fan, and a Viking fan are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Dallas Fan says, "I am a farmer, my Dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Texas."

With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Texas was forever made fertile for farming.

The Viking Fan was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Minnesota so that no infidels, Bear Fans, or Packer Fans, can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF', there was a huge wall around Minnesota.

Izzy, the Wisconsinite asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state; nothing can get in or out."

Izzy says, "Fill it up with water."

A Question of Balance

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him on the seventh day resting. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?". "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass. "What's that one?" he asked.

"Ah," said God. "That's Wisconsin, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite shore-line along the Great Lakes. The people from Wisconsin are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable football team who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth b@$t@rd$ I'm putting next to them in Illinois and Minnesota."

Ice Fishing Contest

The Vikings challenged the Packers to an ice-fishing contest. When it came time for the catch weigh-in, the Packers had 100 lbs. of fish, and the Vikings had zero. The Vikings demanded a rematch for the next Saturday.

This time the Packers came in with 200 lbs. of fish, and the Vikings had zero. The Vikings decided the Packers must be cheating so they demanded another rematch, and sent a spy dressed in green and gold to check it out.

This time the Packers came in with 300 lbs., and the Vikings still had zero. So, the Vikings asked their spy if the Packers were cheating.

"Hell yes, they were cheating! They were drilling holes in the ice!"

The Funeral

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front.

He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.

The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead."

The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together.

"Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."

A Packer Fan in Heaven

A devout Packer fan died and had just arrived in heaven (that's where all Packer fans go, you know). He was talking to an angel trying to get the lowdown on what heaven was going to be like. He asked the angel if there were any former packers in heaven.

The angel replied, "Sure, all the greats are here."

He then asked the angel if they played football and the angel replied that in heaven, every day is Packer Sunday and the Pack always wins.

Being very excited the fan asked if Vince Lombardi was there and as he asked, he saw a man with dark rimmed glasses, a heavy overcoat, and a cap that looked strangely like the one Vince Lombardi wore in the Ice Bowl.

When asked excitedly if that was him, if that was Vincent T. Lombardi, the angel replied, "No, that was God. He likes to act like he's Lombardi."

The Dog

A man walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. He noted a dog intently watching a Packers - Bears game.

Whenever the Packers scored, the dog would jump onto the bar and do an animated dance. This happened over and over as the Packers scored again and again. At the end of the game the dog let out a loud howl and ran out of the bar.

The man thought this was pretty unusual and asked the bartender, "Gee that's amazing. What happens when the Bears win?"

The bartender replied "I don't know, the dog's only 4 years old."

The Telephone

John Madden was in Dallas to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special phone near the Cowboy's bench. He asked Chan Gailey what it was for, and he was told it was a hotline to God. John asked if he could use it. Chan told him, "Sure, but it will cost you fifty bucks."

John pulled out his wallet and made the call.

The next weekend John Madden was at Lambeau Field when he noticed the same kind of phone by the Packers' bench. He asked Ray Rhodes if it was a hotline to God, and Mike said, "Yes, and you can use it for a quarter."

John asked why it was so much cheaper than the Cowboy's phone, and Ray replied, "Local call."

What about Iowa?

Q: Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team?

A: Because Minnesota would want one too.

You might be from Wisconsin if...

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

Snow tires come standard on all your cars.

You refer to the Packers as "we".

At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.

You can make sense out of the words "UPNORT" and "BATREE".

Your have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.

You can identify a Michigan accent.

You know what "cow-tipping" is.

You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.

"Down south" to you means Chicago.

Traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.

The "big three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee and PBR.

A brat is something that you eat.

You have no problems spelling "Milwaukee".

You consider Madison "exotic".

You got a passport to go to Minnesota.

Your idea of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers.

You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of PBR.

You've seen a hodag.

You used to think Deer Season was included as an official school holiday.

You know that Gotham is a real city.

You can actually pronounce and spell Oconomowoc and Menomonie.

You know what a bubbler is.

The snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.

Your Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.

You go out for fish fry every Friday.

You go to work in a snowsuit every morning and return home wearing shorts.

When you tell someone where you are from they say: "I thought that was part of Canada".

Bernie Brewer is your idol because he gets to dive into a giant beer mug.

Your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring, the 4th of July and Fall.

You know how to polka.

Your idea of diversity is having black, brown and white cows.

You drink "soda" and refer to your father as "pop".

Formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a BLACK baseball cap.

You tried to tap the "Worlds Largest Six Pack".

Your children describe their summer vacation our of state as a "trip to Door County".

You are unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

You go to Florida to get a tan in August.

You caught a fish in Lake Michigan that glowed in the dark.

You define the swimming season as "Labor Day Weekend".

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

You know where the city of Waunaukee is AND can pronounce it.

You can visit Luxemborg, Holland, Balgium, Denmark and Poland all in the same afternoon.

You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.

You actually know what Schaeffer's Beer is and you like it.

You know what Euchre and Sheepshead are.

You have been involved in a "drive-by hay bailing".

Two words: "Leinenkugels Beer".

Your refer to stop lights as "stop & go lights".